Pinky Swear
by WaitingInLine
Summary: A look into Clary and Jace growing up together and how their relationship grows. Knowing one another since they were seven, people didn't expect their friendship to go the way it did, but will the end result still be the same? Can they bring themselves back from what they started themselves.
1. Just Us

**This is my first story so I honestly just want to know what people think of my writing style. This is going to be a four-shot thing, and if people like it, I have a few other ideas that I'm going to be playing around with. I can't promise when I'm going to upload, but I'll only upload a chapter when I have the next one written, so I know there is definitely something coming up next (I.E. I'm uploading this one as I already have chapter two ready to go). I hope you enjoy. **

**Word Count: 2,005**

Chapter One – Just Us.

_10__th__ March, 2010 – Fourteen years old_

"Jace! What are you doing? I told you we can't go in there!" I ran after my best friend, hoping to save him from his stupid self. He was running towards the forest that our parents had specifically banned us from entering. They said that there were people in there that weren't very respective of teenagers, and no matter how delicately our parents tried to put it, we knew they what they were hinting at. Despite the risk, I wasn't as scared as I should've been. I had Jace.

"C'mon Red, live a little! If we don't do it now, we'll never do it!" Even in his voice, I could hear his smirk. Only Jace Herondale was able to pull of such a thing. His signature smirk had so many teachers at school pathetically wrapped around his little finger. He managed to worm his way out of everything, including punching my friend Simon which I thought was completely unfair as he had hit him for no reason. However, according to Jace, Simon was stealing me away and had to learn that that wasn't ever going to happen. Despite how childish it actually was the teachers saw it as endearing. That was the day that I learned how protective Jace was of me – even at fourteen he cared for me like he did no one else.

"But Jace, we can't! What if my dad found out?" I stopped running now, looking down at the ground with tears starting to form in my eyes. I didn't hear a response from Jace, but the next thing I knew he was in front of me gripping onto both of my hands tightly. I could feel his golden eyes staring into me, as if he were soul searching, hoping to find me again, despite me standing right before him. One of his hands came up to cup my cheek, forcing me to meet his eye.

"Clary, he is never going to hurt you again. I promise. He's gone, your mum left him, remember? And I will always be there to protect you, no matter what." He smiled at me then, not a smirk, but a beautifully rare smile that Jace only saved for those he truly loved.

"I know but I just can't help but worry. I don't want him to come back and find out what I've done, disobeying adults really pisses him off."

"He won't. I pinky swear." Now his smirk was back; we hadn't pinky sworn in seven years. He linked out fingers together like there was nothing more important in the world at that moment. It was just us, forever. It was with our fingers joined that we both stepped into the forest, our fourteen year old selves being completely oblivious to the fact that this is where our life would change.

We had sat in the forest for hours, just talking about how our lives were. We spoke of how we had met seven years ago when I moved in next door after my mum left my father. At first we hated one another more than anything, constantly throwing seven year old style insults at one another.

_"__You stink!"_

_"__You suck!"_

_"__Your hair looks stupid!"_

_"__You're stupid!"_

It took us a while to become friends, but despite the odds, we became closer than anybody could have ever imagined. It was at school that it happened; Sebastian Verlac had me cornered, laughing at me as he poured brown paint in my hair and saying that it would help me stand out less. He was always making comments about my bright red hair, even going as far as to spread a rumour saying that my hair originated from the devil, making my a devil child. I sat on the floor crying whilst paint dripped down my face, when suddenly someone took my hand and pulled me to my feet.

It was then that I was looking into the eyes of Jace Herondale, making me more nervous than ever. Something had to be up – I know he didn't like Sebastian but I was sure he had hated me more. He smiled at me, and that's all it took for me crack and run away, too scared of what he was going to do to follow up Sebastian's humiliation. I hid in the girls bathroom, ashamed of what had happened, when suddenly none other than Jace himself walked through the doors, his eyes landing on me.

I was petrified, boys _never_ came into the girls' bathroom, and if he had gone to this length to torture me, it had to have been bad. Yet surprisingly, he took me by my hand and walked me to the sink, turning on the tap and telling me to flip my hair forward. I stared at him wide eyed, shaking my head and taking a step back. It was then that we made our first pinky swear – him promising that he wasn't going to upset me. Reluctantly, I flicked my hair forward into the sink, and slowly Jace began washing the paint out of my hair without saying a word. I think I was in too much shock to say anything, let alone pull away. Eventually we spoke again, after me questioning his motives and eventually thanking him, leading to me and him hanging out at break time, playing in the art area. After that we sat together, played together and even worked together every day. Whenever teachers tried to separate us Jace would kick up such a fuss that they gave up and left us to it, realising that when together, neither of us caused a problem in class. Throughout the years, me and Jace had stayed together, helped each other and just enjoying one anothers company.

So by Jace helping me wash my hair, he and I became best friends.

Jace and I lay in the forest, staring up at the slowly appearing stars. Our pinkys were still laced together, and we just basked in the joy of one another's company, words being unnecessary. Thinking about our friendship, I realised I was incredibly lucky – very few people had a person that they could undeniably trust, who would never question them or leave them despite all their faults. I turned to face Jace, finding him already looking at me. I met his gaze with a smile, noticing how, in the light, his eyes looked much darker and far more intense.

"Clary?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever been kissed before?" His face held a hint of nervousness, as if the topic was making his palms sweat.

"Aside from my parents, no," I stated, curious as to where the conversation was going. Family kisses didn't really count in my books; they were a necessity in life. Ever since I was little I hoped for my first kiss to be like those in the fairytales, my handsome prince looking at me as if I were the only one in the world, feeling the never ending warmth in my stomach like a fire was blazing, ready to overpower my body, and it was because of those dreams that I had held off. Looking at Jace, I began to wonder whether he could set off those feelings, dragging me into oblivion with just the touch of his lips.

He turned back to look at the stars, but I carried on staring at his face. "What do you want from your first kiss?"

I stuttered, unsure whether I wanted to admit my desires. "I... I want the feeling of comfort and safety, but at the same time I want for it to be dangerous, like it could consume me if I slipped too far into it." I was now heavily blushing, shocked at my own admittance. I turned away from him now, content with having an unwinnable staring contest with the stars. It was unfair that even after they died, their light lasted for millions of years – their impact was undeniably impressive. Whereas my impact on the world would be insignificant; eventually I would become dust that nobody would think twice about brushing away.

Whilst looking at the stars, I hadn't noticed that Jace had moved closer to me until he cupped my cheek and turned my face to look at him. He stared at me and I at him, the air between us becoming thicker. "I want that too, but I want it with someone special, not with someone I'm going to randomly hook up with." At his statement, I realise what he is implying, and my breathing became heavier. His face started moving closer to mine, both our eyelids beginning to droops. Breathlessly, I respond to him: "Really?"

And then our lips touch. It was light, as if feathers were touching our lips nervously, but the sparks that shot through my veins made it feel like my blood was boiling, ready to split my veins and come pouring out of me. Evidently Jace felt the same, because suddenly he pressed his lips harder to mine, taking his hand from my cheek and gripping onto my waist. My hands came up and knotted into his hair, pressing our faces together, and despite this being my first kiss, it felt perfect. Jace's lips gently teased mine despite the pressure, and when he pulled away a sound of disapproval left my mouth, for it to be met by Jace's tongue smoothly running over my lower lip, asking for permission. I didn't even give it a second thought when I opened up to him, allowing his tongue to work its way into my mouth. The fight for dominance wasn't really a fight at all; he had it from the very beginning. With our bodies already pressed flush against one another, Jace rolled us over so he was on top, my legs automatically opening so he could situate himself in between.

His elbows were by my ears, leaning over me and trying his hardest not to crush me, whilst my hands were gripping his waist, trying to pull him closer and closer. Our kiss sent tingles down my spine, and my hands gradually worked their way up his shirt. Jace let out a groan from the back of his throat, pressing his hips harder into mine, resulting in a moan escaping from my mouth. I pushed Jace off me, to then follow him and straddle his waist. Slowly, Jace grinded his hips into mine, making me aware of a slight bulge forming downstairs. With us being best friends and nothing more you would have thought I'd have stopped us there, but something in my mind was blocking out all rational thoughts and pushed me to recapture his lips. Gently but none too slowly, Jace worked his way up my shift to the back on my bra, slowly teasing a finger over the clasp, causing a shudder to run through my body.

The shudder seemed to wake both of us up from our bubble, making us realise what we were actually doing. We pulled away from each other rapidly, shock evident in both of our eyes. I slowly climbed off Jace's lap to sit cross legged across from him, unable to meet his eyes. A couple moments passed before we both burst into laughter, turning to lie back next to one another and clasping hands to stare at the stars.

"We never do that again, right?" Jace chuckled, nodding his head.

"Absolutely! But I'm glad my first kiss was with you, despite it being quite intense for the first time." I squeezed his hand harder, so that he knew I meant it.

"Me too – I wouldn't have changed it for the world."

We fell asleep like that, Jace and I. I woke up to find myself in bed the next morning, and the only recollection I have of actually coming home was Jace carrying me bridal style out of the woods, smiling softly and rubbing his thumb gently over my shoulder.


	2. Friends with Benefits

**Thank you so much for the response I got last time - I honestly wasn't expecting it. Yes, there are sexual scenes in this chapter, but I want to make it clear to people that they are needed for the emotional side of this story to come later. They help emphasise some of the feelings certain characters have. I hope you enjoy.**

**Word Count: 2,445**

Chapter Two – Friends with Benefits.

_10__th__ October, 2012 – Sixteen years old_

Looking out of my window for inspiration I sighed, wondering how anyone created art in winter. Everything was so dull and grey, leaving little to the colourful imagination. My sketch pad rested on my knee, whilst Jace was spread out across my bed looking at an older book next to me. Getting continuously frustrated with the rain hammering itself against my window, I threw my latest sketch on the floor and fell back onto my pillow, squeezing my eyes shut to keep out the world. I felt the bed shift, and soon after I felt Jace next to me holding onto my hand tightly.

"It's the same every winter, you know? You always try to create something new but never do anything different to help. You need to go out and do something different, find your inner demon." He ended his opinion with a smirk and a wink in my direction, leading me to role my eyes, a habit I had picked up due to Jace being Jace.

"What is there to do in winter that is different? Everything is ruined by this stupid weather and my art suffers as a result of it," I moaned, turning my head to bury it into his shoulder.

"Then do something that doesn't involve being outside. Honestly, you'd think that by hanging out with me you would have learnt my ways of the extravagant and find something fun to do." His ego was definitely at an all time high here – he knew my social life was no match for his and apparently bragging was his way of emphasising his point.

"Your idea of something fun to _do_ includes you actually _doing_ someone," I huffed, already growing tired of our conversation.

"Not just someone, a feminine someone – I don't swing in the other direction dear." I could hear the smirk in his voice, and I was incredibly tempted to slap it right off his face. In fact I would have, had I not been far too comfortable to move.

"I don't think you can really class Kaelie as a female Jace, more of some alien species that happens to tickle your fancy."

"Perhaps, but she is a female version of said species. And anyway, I decided inter-specie mingling wasn't my thing anymore. I ended our little arrangement two weeks ago." By now he had turned his head slightly to rest on mine, his nose buried in my unruly curls.

"I'm honestly shocked. How the hell did you manage to raise you standards above Kaelie when _you_ fuck anything with a pulse?"

"Again, a female pulse, and Kaelie just got boring. I want something with someone I care about, but not in a relationship kind of way. I want to be able to have a friend who I can talk with, but also fuck her senseless until she can't walk – is that so much to ask for from life?" He actually had the audacity to look saddened by this prospect seeming so unreasonable. I mean seriously? He could have sex whenever he wanted, yet he still finds a way to complain?! I'd be lucky to bed a man after knowing them my entire life.

"Oh quit complaining, at least your hormones are bloody satisfied. The one guy that I actually got close to having sex with turned out to be some super freak who thought describing to me in great detail about how he jacked off to my photo was a good idea. Let me give you some advice Jacey, never describe such an occurrence to a potential lady friend." I closed my eyes, frustrated with my pathetic life that I had no escape from. Jace was the best thing in my life, we had the type of relationship that was close and caring and protective, but we could also sit there and tell each other every embarrassing detail about ourselves without the other judging. But sometimes it made me sad thinking that all I had was Jace – I would love to be intimate with someone like no one else was, but the lack of said person was beginning to get to me.

"Then find someone to satisfy your hormones." His simple reply seemed a little husky, and had I been paying more attention, I would have realised his eyes had slightly darkened. But of course, I was too far lost in my own little self pity party to even realise the meaning behind his words.

"Sure Jace, let me just go pick a random guy and find my fuck buddy. Really? I'd have to go to a mental asylum to find someone willing to be with me like that. I'd rather just accept defeat than to actually have to stoop that low."At this point I pushed my shoulders back to crack my back, oblivious to how this in turn pressed my chest out, giving Jace a perfect view down my top.

Jace cleared his throat before he spoke, and even then his voice sounded a little strained. "Why a mental asylum?"

"Because they are the only ones unable to see what I'm truly like." I leaned further into Jace's neck, becoming embarrassed with my confessions. Yes, I had nothing to hide from my best friend, but this was getting a bit too much.

Suddenly Jace grabbed my hips and pulled me closer against him, causing me to have to look up to meet his eyes.

"Don't even say that, anyone would be lucky to be with you. You should have your first time with someone who loves you Clary, not just someone who is willing." At his comment I looked down between our bodies, hating to have to admit what I was about to say.

"No one loves me Jace, so honestly, what hope do I have?"

There were a few moments silence after my comment, and even though I was the one who said it, I was a little hurt that Jace didn't defend me. But that feeling changed automatically with his next words.

"I love you Clary." My eyes instantly snapped up to meet Jace's gaze, wondering if he realised the implications of what he had just said. My breath faltered at the realisation of how close our faces were, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from Jace's. Almost as if we were pulled together our faces got tantalisingly closer, our breaths becoming mixed.

The words _I love you too Jace_ were the last to leave my mouth before our lips crashed together. This was nothing like our first kiss, which had started out gentle and experimenting – this one was filled with a heat and passion that would be hard to match again. I wound my fingers into Jace's hair, tugging gently to be rewarded with a low moan from him. His hands, which were previously gripping onto my hips, now made their way up to my bra, gently pawing at my chest and sending tingles down my spine. Jace asked for permission to enter my mouth, and hesitating wasn't even worth considering when I wanted nothing more than to be with Jace right now.

I made fast work of his shirt, pulling it over his head so I could teasingly run my fingers down his well defined body. As I made my way down, my nails lightly scraped their way over Jace's nipples, causing a shudder to run through his body. As a response, Jace unclasped my bra and practically ripped of my upper clothing, leaving my bare to his eyes. Before I even had to time cover up, his lips were licking at my hardened nipples, causing my back to arch and a sigh to leave my mouth. I pulled his head closer, desperately wanting more, resulting in him taking my other nipple in his hand and rolling it between this thumb and finger. Quickly my breath was becoming uneven, and Jace's jeans were just getting in the way. Quickly I moved my hands to his button, practically ripping it apart and pulling his jeans down, leaving him in only his boxers which left little to the imagine. His erection was pressed against the fabric, and whilst I was looking in awe I didn't even notice Jace removing my pyjama shorts and then my underwear.

The only thing that bought me back to reality was Jace slowly rubbing his fingers against my wetness, causing a moan to escape my throat. I buried my face into Jace's neck and began rubbing Jace through his boxers, making any harboured moans that Jace had leave instantly. For a while we only felt around one another, when suddenly Jace pushed me away from him with a mischievous smirk on his face. I pressed myself against my bed, looking at the ceiling when I felt hands on my calves. Jace had lowered himself to eye level with my area and had hoisted my legs over his shoulder, giving him perfect access to do many unthinkable things to me. Slowly, experimentally, Jace's tongue flicked out across my folds and adventurously moved around. My back arched at the movement, my head pressing into my pillow firmly. My movements became more pronounced as Jace slowly slid a finger into me, causing a fire to come alight within me. I groaned against his movements; I had no idea what he was doing inside of me but I could have stayed like this all day. Continuously licking away at my wetness, Jace introduced his second and third finger, building up pace and strength. I called out to him to go faster, which he did, and I swear I saw stars. At some point through this, the hand of mine that wasn't gripping the sheets had founds itself into Jace's boxers and was slowly working him up and down, using a variety of paces to keep him entertained.

Suddenly he pulled away from me, and came up to my height to look me in the eyes. I knew what he needed before he even said anything, but his words telling me that he needed to be inside of me nearly sent me over the edge. I nodded vigorously before pulling his face to mine, kissing him deeply. At some point Jace must've put a condom on, because he was now lined up at my entrance and pushing into me with such gentleness that only he could muster. He pushed through my walls, leaving me in shock at the amount of pain I felt, but he never moved, allowing me to adjust to the intrusion. Gradually things became more comfortable, and I rocked my hips into his, experimenting with the pain. Both of us moaned against one another, and were unable to hold back any longer.

Jace rocked his hips against mine, slowly and passionately, frequently dropping light kisses against my lips to reassure me. I loved the feeling of Jace filling me, but I wanted more. I wrapped my legs around his waist, wanting him deeper inside of me, which was the right thing to do apparently as Jace seemed to be unable to hold himself back now. Quickly our movements became faster and harder, both letting out loud moans against one another's skin. I rocked my hips to meet his, causing him to hit places so deep inside of me that I thought I was going to die from pleasure. Now that Jace wasn't holding back as much, he pounded into me, making sure I felt every single one of his movements. To try and match him, I pushed him over, staying connected the whole time, until I was straddling him. I took hold of his hands, placed them on my hips, and told him to guide me to do whatever he wanted me to do.

His eyes darkened dramatically, and he began to rotate my hips against his, causing ripples of pleasure to run through me. My back arched and my hands found a steadying position on his thighs so he had complete access to me in this position. His hands tightened on my hips at the change of angles, and his wanted movements of mine became harder and faster against his groin. I could feel his length pulse inside of me, and his slight movements of going in and out of me only heightened my experience. I began to press myself harder into him, starting to take over. I rolled my hips against his, before I sat up straight and began to bounce none too lightly on his dick. Jace appeared to enjoy this the most, and his moans were became louder and his hands came up to fondle my chest. Together, our breathing became laboured, and a pool of heat began to work its ways up in my abdomen. My breathing had just begun to become erratic when Jace flipped us, him now wanting the dominant role.

He lifted a leg of mine over his should, causing an all new sensation to run through me. My nails dug into his shoulder blades, most likely leaving marks, and I bit down onto his shoulder to stop myself from screaming out loud. His pace quickened as he slid in an out of me repeatedly, when suddenly the heat that had built itself up in me let loose, causing unbeatable pleasure to run through me. At the same time I felt Jace lose himself, despite the condom, and our bodies were pressed so closely against one another that our sweat caused us to rub up against one another. When we had both finished, Jace rolled off of me to dispose of the condom and came back, pulling me into his arms.

"Wow." His breathing, like mine, was still unsteady, and my heart soared knowing that I had done that time him.

"Yeah." At this point in time, I don't think I had much energy to say anything else.

"I know we're best friends Clary, but I want to do this again. I've never felt like that with someone, and I don't think I can handle not being close to you like this again." He looked at me almost nervously before he came out with his suggestion. "So could you handle that? The friends with benefits thing?"

"We stay best friends?"

"I promise," and to prove his point he laced together our pinky fingers, giving me a smile of reassurance.

"Then we can be friends, with certain perks." I smirked at him now, finding a boost of confidence in him wanting to be with me again. He smiled back at me, and we feel asleep like that, naked, in one another's arms, with our pinky fingers constantly connected.


	3. Three's a Crowd?

**Again, I can only thank you for the response that I have received for this story. Sorry the uploading is a little later then last time, but work comes first. I don't know when the fourth chapter will be added as I haven't finished it completely, but I felt like this needed to be uploaded asap. This chapter contains sexual scenes, the last of which will be seen in this story. Enjoy. **

**Word Count: 2628**

Chapter Three – Three's a Crowd?

_10__th__ March, 2013 – Seventeen years old_

The three of us sat on Jace's sofa, a little nervous of how things were going to proceed from here. Jace seemed to be the one most uncomfortable with our arrangement, even though it had been his idea. Okay, maybe the idea of adding another _guy _to our situation wasn't his idea, but he _had_ wanted to add another person. It's not my fault that I'd only agree to adding a girl if I could add a guy first.

It had been around five months since me and Jace had initiated our friends with benefits relationship and to be honest, it hadn't really affected us. Admittedly yes, after our first time things were a bit awkward when we decided to try it again, but gradually we got past the awkwardness and began to experiment with one another, finding our favourite sexual pleasures and in turn, learning how to please one another to no end. No one knew about our arrangement expect extremely close friends, and even then they didn't know how often we actually fell into one another's beds. After out agreement, my social life became slightly livelier, going to parties with Jace and getting drunk numerous times, only for it to end with Jace and me falling into bed together.

It was around a month ago that Jace had brought up the idea of finding a third person to our arrangement to make it more interesting; to quote Jace, _"from a purely experimental point of view."_ Despite now having had sex, I still haven't tried it with someone else other than Jace, the whole prospect of someone else being there made me entirely nervous, causing me to disagree rather rapidly. As the weeks went on, Jace chipped away at my nerves and told me how having a third party involved could be beneficial for me, and how adding someone else would stop any anxieties I had in the future. It was six days ago that we came to a comprise – I would agree if I had it my way the first time, and Jace was more than happy to agree without actually knowing what I meant.

Now sitting on the sofa, we were all anxious to find out how we would get from here to the ever intimidating bedroom just upstairs. I sat in between Jace and Simon, trying to think of something to say that would calm all of our nerves, but nothing was coming to mind. Surprisingly, it was Simon who first spoke, trying to get the ball rolling.

"I have an idea." Both Jace and I looked at him, fairly startled that the shy Simon that we all knew was the one to take the lead in the situation. "You two have done this before right? So why don't we go upstairs and you two start, seeing as you're already comfortable with one another. I'm sure I can work my way into the situation, and if I can't then it won't happen." I turned my head to look at Jace for confirmation, and his way of showing me was to grip my hand and start to lead me upstairs. I was unaware whether or not Simon was following us, but at the moment it didn't really matter – I had to just focus on Jace at the moment.

We reached Jace's room, the soft _click_ of his lock turning being the only indication to Simon actually being there. Jace trails his fingers up my arm, setting of a tidal wave of goose bumps and an urgent want to grow within me. Nervously, I lift my head to meet his gaze, my lips slightly parted due to my extremely uneven breaths. Moments later Jace's lips meet mine, just a soft graze as his hands ran up my body to my ribs. Unlike every other time, I was the one to deepen the kiss with Jace, wanting more from him than just a gentle touch. He responded almost automatically, his hands tightening their grip around me, pulling me flush against his body. I slid my hands up his shirt, instantly wanting it off, caressing his well defined stomach with a teasing touch. His response was a moan into my mouth and practically ripping off my top, to then wrap his arms around my waist to leave no space between us. Somehow he had managed to work my top off despite there being little room, but before he returned to my lips he smirked at something behind me.

I turned to look at what he found amusing, only to find Simon standing there with his eyes closed, palming himself through his jeans. From what I could see, his jeans were quite tightly stretched, and what I wasn't expecting was for his actions to turn me on so much. As if knowing what I was thinking, Jace leaned over me and began working my chest through my bra, working kisses up from my shoulder to my jaw line. I leant my head against his shoulder, accepting his peppering of kisses, when he swiftly turned me round her pressed his lips against mine. Our kisses were desperate, my hands gripping his top whilst his were placed gently on my cheek. Suddenly another pair of hands came to the claps of my bra, undoing it and gently pulling it off my body. Simon's hands came round to massage my breasts whilst a certain something of his pressed into my back, making me fully aware that he had stripped down to nothing more than his boxer. I groaned into Jace's mouth, pushing my hands down to his jeans to unbutton them and push them down to his ankles. Somehow, as if they had planned it, Simon's hands went down to remove my shorts and Jace took over on my chest, both working steadily together. Once we were all just left in our panties and boxers, Jace pulled me to the bed, followed swiftly by Simon.

Laying me down gently, Jace trailed his fingers down my stomach to the top of my underwear line, stopping there to gently stroke across it. Simultaneously, Simon lowered his lips to my hardened nipples, flicking his tongue over them teasingly before taking one in his mouth. My back arched into Simon's mouth, quiet noises of pleasure escaping my lips. Not to be out done, Jace all but ripped off my panties and began running his finger over me, commenting on how very wet I am already. Without further warning Jace plunged himself into me, causing my back to rise higher, something Simon certainly wasn't expecting as he removed himself rather rapidly.

Sometime between Jace entering me, stroking me with his fingers and Simon pulling away, Simon had removed his boxers and had now pulled my hand from the bed sheets to firmly wrap my hand around his length. Although nothing like Jace, Simon couldn't exactly be called small. I started teasing my way up and down Simon, and having noticed this, Jace rapidly added a second and third finger, bringing me exceptionally close to the edge. My movements got faster on Simon, trying to take him with me so that all I had was Jace left. The now already built coil in my stomach let go, rushing out of me, making me practically scream in enjoyment. Before it had even ended, Jace had flipped me over onto all fours and was finally fully entering me, causing load moans to come from both of us. His pace wasn't like his usual one – he didn't take his time and be gentle – he took the rougher approach, making my eyes roll into the back of my head and left me gasping for air.

When my mouth was parted, Simon took this opportunity to push himself into my mouth, taking hold of my head and pushing me up and down his length. From the pounding I was receiving from Jace, I didn't really need Simon pushing me forward, but it didn't hurt. Just as Simon was about to find his release, I pushed him off me, working him until the end with hands. When Simon was finished, I brought my whole attention to Jace – I pushed him off of me, flipped him onto the bed and placed myself atop of him, rotating my hips causing him to release numerous moans. His hands came up to feel my chest, both of us calling each other's names, and finally we both found our heights, letting go completely, practically screaming for one another. I pulled away and fell next to Jace; cuddling up to his side with his arm around my waist and fell asleep.

Later on I woke up in Jace's bed alone, something I hadn't done before since we had started sleeping together. It completely threw me off as normally we would sit and talk afterwards, but instead I just got out of bed, redressed myself and made my way to the front room. There was where I found Jace watching TV alone, meaning Simon had left earlier without telling me. I went to go sit beside him but before I had the chance he turned to me with a cold empty gaze that I hadn't been given since for nearly a decade. That alone stopped me in my tracks, and the tension obvious in Jace's muscles didn't help the situation either.

"Jace," I said, cautiously moving towards him, "are you okay?" I took my place next to him, for him to just stand up and sit in the chair across from me.

"I think we need to talk." His voice was emotionless, and he couldn't even meet my gaze.

"Okay? What's up?"

"I think it's time we ended this Red, I can't just keep jumping into bed with you because it makes you happy. I've been feeling like this for a while, but I think today's experience really was the icing on top of this _perfect _little cake that we've been having." His voice was almost a sneer, and to be honest I didn't know what I had done wrong. Had I known Jace had been feeling like this, I would never have considered doing what we had done today.

"Jace, why didn't you tell me you didn't want this?"

"I did, several times –"

"No you didn't. You're the one who wanted another person; I came to a compromise first to be more comfortable so we could do what you wanted to do. Do you really think I wanted Simon involved? Jesus Christ I didn't even have sex with the boy!"

"That's not the point Clary and you know it!" Our voices were beginning to rise, and I could see that his hands, like mine, were clenched into fists. "He was still involved, and god I was not happy about it. Do you really think I want to sit there and watch my best friend partake in foreplay that isn't with me?!"

"Then why did you bring up the idea in the first place? Don't you dare just put the blame on me! I didn't know how you felt, you did, so you could've said something beforehand!"

"Could you not see that I was quite nervous about the whole ordeal?"

"So was I! If you weren't nervous before then there is something seriously wrong with you!"

Jace's response didn't come straight away; he sat there for a few moments trying to calm himself down. But what he said next was the breaking point in not only our arrangement, but also our friendship.

"Clary, what we done today was something I didn't want to do, yet we done it. It made me fully aware of how far we've come and I think it needs to end before we ruin it. It was fun whilst it lasted, but I don't think we should keep hooking up. Don't get me wrong, you were a good fuck, but I want to go out and actually find someone who I can fall in love with."

I think my breathing had all but stopped. I was just a good _fuck_ to him? Yes I know we weren't together but I thought I meant more than just being another one of his sluts.

"Right. Well, sorry I was just a good _fuck_, but a slut has to move on doesn't she. Maybe you're right, we definitely needed this to end. Enjoy finding the love of your life Jonathan, I wonder if she can stop you whoring around. I mean, having sex with me didn't even slow you down. What was it, three times are one party, then coming home to me?" My voice was deadly, even to my own ears, and I think that is what caused Jace to look at me again. When he saw my expression, whatever emotion that had been running across his eyes left immediately.

"Fuck off Clarissa, you know that isn't true. I just think we need things to end. And you know you aren't just some slut to me." He voice was started to rise again, and I took this and me cue to leave.

"Don't lie Jace, I now know how little you think of me. Have fun finding your girl, I'm sure she's out there somewhere." I turned and walked to the door, opening it ready to leave. Just as I was stepping through, I turned back to my best friend and said possibly the most hurtful thing I could think of. "Oh, by the way, you were a good _fuck_ too." Having said what I had needed to, I slammed the door behind me and practically ran home. Halfway through the journey started tears started streaming down my face, as if I was just realising what had just happened.

I had finally done it. I had managed to drive away my best friend, just like I knew I would eventually. I was nothing in comparison to Jace, and knowing that all my life drove me to be terrified of the day when he would finally be bored of me, leaving me hanging. Now it had happened though, I realised what a big part of me was missing when he wasn't there. Although I know it wasn't true, I felt as if I had no one left. He was my life, and without him, nothing was important. As these thoughts were rushing through my head, more tears streaming down my face, I saw a couple walking together, hand in hand, just smiling as they carried on into their own little world.

Looking at them, I realised how much I wanted that, and not to be just a fuck buddy. But the strange thing was when I had the image of me doing that with someone in my head, it wasn't just and empty face – No, it just had to be Jace Herondale, the boy I just lost. I wanted it to be me and him looking into each other's eyes, fully content with where we were in life. I wanted it to be us that could sit at home all day in a pyjamas doing nothing, but still loving each other's company. And I wanted it to be Jace I came home to every day, to fall into his warm embrace and feel at home and safe, the feelings having nothing to do with the house we had bought together, but just Jace being mine.

And that was when I realised that Jace had always been my home. And finally, after ten years, I discovered that I loved that boy with my entire heart. Unfortunately now I had already made a mess of our friendship, and because Jace isn't the forgiving type, I knew there was nothing I could do about it.


	4. Forever Us

**I'm really sorry for how long it has taken my to update. Life has been pretty hectic and honestly I couldn't decide on the ending. Saying that, I left it open for you guys to decide. Thank you guys so much for taking the time to read, and I hope you enjoy! P.S. Sorry if I seems a bit rushed, I just wanted to get it done for you all and honestly, I'm not entirely sure about the ending. I wish I had time to write alternate endings, and maybe one day I will, but it wont be for a while. **

**Word Count: 2,519**

Chapter Four – Forever Us.

_10__th__ October, 2014 – Eighteen years old_

Nineteen months. It had been nineteen months since me and Jace had stopped talking, and I had never been so miserable. University had started a few weeks ago and to be honest I didn't have a clue if Jace had even got into university, let alone if he followed the plan to go to the same one as me. I guess in a way I was hoping he had signed up to the same university, as then it could possibly mean it wasn't the complete end of me and him.

Before everything had gone wrong between us, we had agreed to go to Roehampton University, tackling the problems of adult life together. I was terrified of the washing machine and Jace didn't trust any iron after one burnt his favourite shirt, so we were going to work together to survive the adult world. But now we didn't have the chance to do any of that, leaving me in a state of fear and depression.

Despite the lack of Jace, the art courses here were amazing, and somehow I'm sure Jace had figured out a way to major in athletics and then minor in classical music wherever he went. I had to admit though that I did selfishly want every other university to reject his obscure degree so he would have to come here, but somehow I doubted any of them would turn down the talent that is Jace Herondale. Even now, thinking about Jace makes my entire body ache, not just from the wanting of him but also the mental pain of just missing my best friend. We were together for everything, and it was meant to last. But things had happened in the past year without Jace being there that I never wanted to remember, and not having my best friend there was probably one of the hardest parts.

Now walking around campus alone I was studying the art of keeping a grip on all my equipment, which apparently isn't an easy course to take. You'd think that after a few weeks of lectures you wouldn't have so much stuff to carry, yet carrying around the mountain that was paints and canvases had become something of a routine. Not looking where I was going, just trying to keep myself from dropping anything, I didn't notice the wall of flesh that I was about to amble in to. Before it was too late, my head smacked into someone and all of my supplies went spilling out onto the floor, leaving me empty handed and slightly stunned. Gushing out my apologies, I bent down to pick up my equipment where I was met with golden hands collecting the last of my items, my paints. Standing up with everything in my grasp, I was met with those golden eyes that I hadn't seen in so long; I'm pretty sure that the shock seen in him was an exact replica of what was upon my face.

We both stood in shock for a few moments, unsure of what to do until Jace shoved the paints into my hand, instantly snapping me out of my state of mind. Muttering a small 'thanks', I rapidly walked away from him to try and escape the nightmare that I had found myself in. I hadn't seen him in so long, and all of a sudden he's right there in front of me, looking at me with slight fear in his eyes. I could feel my eyes starting to prick as the tears started to come, blurring my vision to a point where I could hardly see five foot in front of me. Stumbling down a step, I quickly made my way towards where my car was parked when I suddenly heard someone scream my name. I recognised the voice instantly, and despite my best efforts my instincts took over. My head snapped up to look in the direction of the voice, my eyes searching for the boy who called me. Hope soared through my heart, although it wasn't there for long living. Before my eyes could reach him, I was met with a smear of black, and my body was flying over something cold and solid. It's funny really, although I could feel the pain and even though it felt like my bones were being smashed all at once into a million pieces, my thoughts were with my art supplies and how they were flying through the air with me. My thoughts then regarded the fact that the boy who had been the centre of my life for so long may never help me pick up my art supplies again, and how I will never be able to look him in the eye as he gave them back to me. I realised that I may never see his glow again, and how I may never be able to fix things with the love of my life, leaving our relationship in complete disarray. Before my mind could reassure itself that that would never happen my head smacked into something hard and uninviting, instantly knocking me out from the world and leading me, alone, into my own head. The last word left my lips was just one syllable, one simple word that caused a sense of peace to rush through my body. His name. _Jace._

Seeing someone, especially someone so special to you, breaking in front of you is something that no one should ever have to go through. Your world stops, everything fades away and all you can focus on is the horror story playing out ahead of you, no matter how much you want to look away. Seeing them so lifelessly thrown into the air does something to you, as cliché as it sounds. Your body can't move and your breathing becomes so hard to control that you can't help but gasp, hopeful for the slightest oxygen. Decorating her path was her art supplies, following her through the air and individually making their way back down to earth before the girl. The worst part is that those art supplies were scattered around my feet just moments before, and if I had mustered the courage to finally talk to the owner of said items, she wouldn't be lying on the ground now. Before I had even thought about it, my feet were moving so fast that I was with her in seconds, my hands pulling her head to rest in my lap whilst I check over the body for injuries.

"Clary, come on, open your eyes." I honestly don't know why I said what I did; I think there was some small part of me that hoped that what had just happened didn't really seem as bad as it looked. I hoped that her head didn't hit the floor so hard, and that she would show me those green eyes that I had been missing for so long once again. I began to shake her shoulders, begging her to open her eyes, just to give me the simplest of signs that she was okay, but I got nothing in return.

I don't know how long I sat there, holding her, or how many people went rushing for help, but eventually an ambulance showed up, shoving her into the back, with me just helplessly following behind. It was like my body was on autopilot, whilst my mind hung on to the hopes that she was going to be okay, my body took me with her just to make sure. I don't know when we arrived at the hospital, I don't know when she went into surgery, I don't even know when her mother turned up – I just sat in the waiting room with my head in my hands, my mind running over the last time I properly saw her, and how badly I had messed things up.

I know I should've been honest with her rather than yelling at her, and that I shouldn't have taken the anger I had for myself out on her, but I just couldn't seem to stop myself. I hated myself for what I had put her through, and in turn what I had put myself through. Watching someone get with the girl you love isn't the easiest thing in the world, but knowing you are the reasoning behind it makes in so much worse. I hard basically forced Simon's dick into the hand of the girl I loved, even after her saying she didn't want to do it. I was a horrible excuse for a human being, and how she put up with me for so long I'll never know.

My mind began to wonder to the day when we finally became friends, despite our differences. Watching Sebastian pour paint all over her hair set something alight in me that I wasn't even aware of. From the very beginning I had been entranced by Clary's hair, and to watch someone so brutally mutilate it sent me over the edge. I never thought that me helping her wash her hair would lead to us being best friends, honestly I thought it would just stop her from hating me entirely, but I'm glad it did. These past nineteen months had been the most painful of my life. I hadn't been there when she truly needed me, and I would never forgive myself for that. Hearing about what Sebastian had done to her sent me into a state, as if I were living within a nightmare, and I didn't awake from my dreamlike state until I had hurt Sebastian enough for him to wind up in hospital. Honestly, I still think I should have murdered the bastard, but I could just imagine Clary going off on one about how the consequences for me wouldn't be worth it. Hearing that he had forced himself onto her at a party still made me see red, but despite my anger I never plucked up the courage to sort things out with Clary. Maybe it was because I was ashamed that I had let that happen to her, or maybe it was because I was scared, but either way I'm an idiot for doing it.

Breaking me away from my thoughts, Clary' mum walked over, telling me that I could go and sit with her if I wanted. I don't think hell on earth could have stopped me from getting to that girls room. Once inside, I sat in the chair closest to her and just held onto her hand, hoping still that I would see those green eyes. I received the biggest shock earlier when I saw them; I honestly thought my heart had stopped for a second. I hadn't seen them for so long, and then suddenly they are there in front of me, staring at me with fear written across them as plain as day. I think it was her fear that hit me the most, making me want to escape from the situation as fast as possible – I never thought that the girl I loved would ever look at me in fear. Now though, I would do anything for her to look at me, even if that fear was there forever. I squeezed her hand tightly, trying to find the right words, to finally give her the apology that she deserved.

"You know, I never thought that we'd be here like this Red. I had always imagined it to be me who wound up in the hospital bed after doing something stupid, with you sitting in this chair lecturing me about how I needed to stop acting like a moron if I ever wanted to make it through this life. I'd really prefer that right now actually, despite how scary you are during one of your lectures."

Taking a breath, I interlinked our pinkys together as I got ready for what needed to be said.

"I'm sorry Clary, truly I am. I should have never said those things to you that day, and it's the biggest regret I have. I wasn't angry at you, I was angry at myself for what I had done. I put the most important girl into the hands of another, and all because I was trying to fight an unwinnable war with myself. I love you Clarissa. I thought that if I saw you with someone else, or if I was with someone else whilst you were there - had you accepted my terms of it being a girl – that I would be able to fight this feeling for you, but it only made it ten times worse. I love you so much, and I fucking ruined it. I lost you, and that is the worst thing I could have done to myself. It's been too long since we last spoke, and I hate the absence of you in my life. You are my life, and without you I'm just empty. Based on that fact, I forbid you to ever leave me. You are just going to have to stick your middle finger up to this head injury and wake up just so you can stick your middle finger up to me. And even though I deserve the biggest fuck you ever, I hope you'll forgive me. I made a stupid mistake, but I love you so much that I can't handle losing you. Just make sure you come back to me so I can look you in those pretty green eyes and tell you that properly, okay? I love you Red, and I will forever. I'm never leaving you again. Pinky promise."

All of a sudden my heart jumped out of my chest. I looked down at our linked fingers, hoping for what I just felt to happen again so that I knew it wasn't just my mind playing tricks on me. Then it happened, proving me right. Her pinky twitched, tightening itself momentarily around mine. Just that little sign let me know that she was listening, and I couldn't have been more scared or happy over that fact. I knew she had heard what I said, and whether she made it or not, at least she knew, leaving a feeling of slight peace inside of me. The fear of losing her was still ever-present, but at least she heard what I had to say, and even though I could've been wrong, I was taking that twitch as a form of forgiveness.

And that's when I realised what my promise meant. I was _never _leaving this girl. She could wake up and reject me, but I'd make sure I'd still be in her life, and if she left me in this hospital I'm pretty sure I'd follow soon after. But until that moment comes, I'm not leaving her bed side, my eyes constantly flickering between her beautiful body and her heart monitor. I'd never leave until that heart monitor stopped, for whatever reason, and even then, I'd be there for her, because she was my home. Nothing was right without her, and I don't think I could last without her. Plus, a pinky promise is made to last.


End file.
